Dear Dairy,
I have decide to type something today. Tonight, after many times of thinking and analysing, I found out that i am still searching for a Friend who is trustworthy enough for me... I am still in search of this special someone... Still searching. I was told that friends are just partners, people whom i can talk to, people whom are just there for accompanying me. When i am in deep trouble, non these friends will help me, especial when comes to problems that require money. Sometimes when friends get into arguments, one will push all the blame to another. Sometimes even use their sisters, brothers and friends' names to make it look as tho they are standing on their side. As long as they think that there are SO many names in their 'supporting list', 'I win!' Sometimes, friends will push the blame to each other by making thing look ugly, sound disguising and make people say these words 'oh so sad...', ' oh u are bullied...' and 'OH! I WILL HELP U, TO KILL THAT BULLY' or something like that. With friends, all this commotions will start to erupt. But YOU may say that i am just one sided... SO WHAT! I am talking about my life... THIS IS MY BLOG, isn't it right dear dairy?
I had been told that secondary friends are the closest group of people i would have. I see my poly friends, they always say how good their secondary friends are and they are always going out for lunch, gathering, chalets, movies ... etc. To a certain extend, i agree to what i was being told and what i could see. However, i dun see this in my life. And now u would say ' Oh Man! u are pushing the blame to someone else! ' My answer is ' NO I AM NOT! ' I am just portraying my life in words, my thoughts in words and my experience in words. Sometimes, i think that having no friends is better than having friends. First of all, friends are difficult, to understand, to be with, to ask for a favour and to hold hand in hand regardless of where they are. I am tired of this life, having to do so many things just to get friends. I mean SO WHAT if i have friends?! They won't help me, won't teach me, just acting as if they do not know anything but in actual fact they do! People are selfish, even if they are ur friends, the fact is that THEY ARE HUMANS! Most humans are selfish! (*note: i never say 'all' or 'every' people)When humans grown older, this kind of selfishness will turn to a series cunning acts. These cunning acts are what u see in the real world. Sometimes, friends can mature faster and become more cunning. Thus resulting in backstabbing, blackmailing, betrayal and many more. I have seen and experienced this kind things but it is all over. WE HAVE TO BE STRONGER!
Sometimes, friends cares about each other. ' Oh my u got hit by a car, are u hurt?' or ' oh my, why did u cut ur self?' All these things ARE JUST WORDS OF PITY! (<--- negative) I ' care ' for u. My S**t! Base on my personal experience, which i created by myself, (isn't it cool)I have managed to turn this kind of 'oh i care for' pity words, into a ' oh u manipulate my care for you'. This change just happened due to a few catalyst that i created use words, drawing skills and a pinch of smartness and within a few days, it happened! MUAHAHA... (<--- mad girl ahead). Friends cannot be there for a very long time. It is like the lilies on a down stream river, the current will bring u ( lily ) to meet other friends (other lilies) and it can also separate u and ur friends. In other words, this downstream river is call the river of time. Time will change things. That is what i believe.
But as for now, i LOVE MY FRIENDS! ALOT. I still miss talking to some of my ex friends and old friends. It has been quite a long time since the last time i see them. hehe... I am still searching for a friend, one that i can believe and trust and one that can do me A FAVOUR! Thats is all. Good Nite! My dear dairy, love u too!
PS: Dunno take it to personally especial my class mates! I love some of my classmates.
Labels: Past memories of friends